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Dr. Schund, does the Devil walk abroad?
The Devil is classically publicized as a dyspeptic red-skinned (to unending displeasure of Amerindian pressure groups), horned, tailed and hooved fallen angel determined to seize shriven souls and plunge them into eternal Hell-burning adorned with ingenious sadomasochistic flourishes. Conceptualize San Francisco with central heating. Beelzebub's only Official counter is folks ceding their worldly possessions to the One True Church (choose One from the queue), thereafter living in squalor and dread while priests conjure protection and carouse. We sputter skepticism about Old Nick's resultant discomfiture. Genuine squalor and dread replete with butterball priests abundantly obtain throughout devout Catholic dominions.
Cursory overviews of Christendom's 2000 years plus market rival exertions adduce administering qualitative and quantitative Hell is more a clergyman's avocation than Satan's bailiwick. Lucifer is a tot of Lagavulin single malt scotch against Vatican solid gold chalices of Annie Greensprings wine. Old Scratch is a man of refined haberdashery and understated elegance; debonair, discerning, patient, mildly disinterested, and exercising an aesthete's sensibilities in all things.
Where is the Devil today? He is not bothering pregnant Welfare teens with dulled hypodermic needles, though He might concede Martha Stewart an intractable yeast infection. Dr. Schund enjoys samedi with Islamic Iblis, Buddhist Mara, Egyptian Set, Hindu Vritra, Zoroastrian Ahriman, and the great kelpie and bugaboo of Western civilization Himself. Like a Pentagon focus group or a Solenopisis invicta colony, corporate members of the board plus the labor representative occasionally gather for a jam session.
Sildenafil citrate, the "Pfizer riser" Viagra, is a selective inhibitor of cyclic guanosine monophosphate (cGMP)-specific phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5). 1-[[3-(6,7-dihydro-1-methyl-7- oxo-3-propyl-1 H-pyrazolo[4,3-d]pyrimidin-5-yl)-4-ethoxyphenyl]- sulfonyl]-4-methylpiperazine citrate is C28H38N6O11S. Given rounded atomic masses of
carbon=12
hydrogen=1
nitrogen=14
oxygen=16
sulfur=32
we seize salient actuality: Viagra's molecular weight is 666 atomic mass units. Curious number, that.
Healthy elderly volunteers (65 years or over) have reduced Viagra clearance, with free plasma concentrations approximately 40% greater than those seen in healthy younger volunteers (18-45 years). Is the Devil a class act? You betcha!
The Light Bringer illuminates lives darkened with heartburn, acid reflux, and other stress-precipitated gastric miseries. Men and women suffering self-digestion, take heart! H2-histamine receptor blocker cimetidine (Tagamet), eaten like dinner mints by mid-life crisis sufferers, substantially amplifies Viagra's effects by inhibiting its cytochrome P450 catabolism.
Leisure World Laguna Hills, CA and Leisure World Seal Beach, CA - wherein the average age would be "deceased" anywhere else in the world - are massive Viagra sumps. Woe to the elderly widower who moves in to find a line of horny hair-dyed witches basted with Premarin, carrying casseroles, and loaded for action with little blue diamondoid pills in their purses. Hell can be a candy shop.
What of Executive Privilege? When Nancy Reagan opined "Just Say NO!" did she have an infernal inside track on nitric oxide (NO) release activating guanylate cyclase, increasing cyclic guanosine monophosphate (cGMP) levels, producing smooth muscle relaxation in the penile corpus cavernosum, admitting blood inflow and Ronnie's tumescence? Phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) degrades cGMP, mimicking a sour nurse on morning puffy thumper rounds. Viagra selectively inhibits PDE5. Mojo rising!
"Blue, blue, my love is blue..." Viagra is >80-fold selective vs PDE1, >1000-fold for PDE2 and PDE4; >4000-fold for PDE3 (cardiac contractility), but only 10-fold as potent PDE5 vs PDE6. PDE6 mediates phototransduction in the retina. Its reversible inhibition by Viagra sparks blue-tinged vision while fire burns down below. The Devil has been given a bad rap with all that red. He might instead enjoy cool colors - aqua, azure, cobalt, indigo, navy, cerulean, sapphire, and afflictive mother-in-law formal gown turquoise.
If you have a fungus infection, ketoconazole and itraconazole boost your Viagra-leavened woody 180% and more to full diamond cutter status, as will erythromycin. Athlete's foot can be your friend. Nike!
What diabolic environmental sequelae to human priapism on demand await? Viagra as its 50% active N-desmethyl metabolite exits approximately 80% in feces, 13% in urine. Serotonin uptake inhibitors (Prozac) provoke molluscan sex play wherever municipal waste discharges. The Pill (including Premarin) flushes out distaff kidneys, meanders down community cloacas and through sewage treatment to run riot amidst vertebrate reproductive metabolisms in rivers, swamps (wetlands!), and coastal waters. One surmises Hades' delights as blue diamondoid stiffie launcher residues force perplexed fragile and endangered species' hard- ons. Watch those ducks waddle!
Up the ante with Levitra and Cialis. We have upped our standards, up yours. It gives Satan a diamond-cutter riser less the Pfizer.
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