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My fellow Amerikanistas, we are faced with a chalice of challenge and a pot of uncertaintage. I have exercised my mandatelet as Commandant in Chief to launch a War on Drugs attack on the pot and upon others. Attack! Attack! [Pause for rousing applause] Tonight and forever we will discuss my administration's strategery - a freshnitude of federality - toward terroration, Arabinates, and the futurity of our growing necronomy.
What is urgent for some is detergent for others. Some say the White House lacks a creditable detergency. I will come clean. The entire multi-billionaire Social Security fund has been spent twice over. Our creditation has never been more incredible! America's armed forcedness has never been more forcing. Splurge and surge! The Pentagon has become the Technion and I assure you we have all the secret codes to battlefieldic videogames of diplomatics. We will use them.
Legal and illegal citizenships of this great continent spanning two great oceans and many Great Lakes will be protected from healthcare and easy access to airports. Every doctor will become a member of the federalhood, and dentists, too - and none of them will ever invade your home unless Mr. Cheney suggests it. Homeland Severity has been given concepts and guns and an expectoration of their vigortude and utilization. Nobody will again ride an airplane without knowing that fear is in its place and the Washington Constitution is behind them.
No Muslimect and Presbytern, no Indian and Hebrewski, no Roman Catholic priest and his child need fear religion any longer. This axis of evil will be circumcised. My deserting loyalties have character! As President of these American States I pledge to you that burning of churches and desicreation of graveyards will become fond memories. The government will be in charge once again.
My American subjects have sent me espressos of their concern with a-, b-, c-, d-, and even e-mail. They have been herded! American economation is an engine of prosperation. The street walls are yet strong! They may need a little fixing or a new coat of paint. My White House has been fixing things for years. We will give it two bright coats of white paint and put up big signs. No single mother need ever worry that her child will be colored. We can do it. We will do it. We will be done by it.
Many of my uniform men worry about Gore. Gore on the fields of confliction, Gore and taxation, Gore in the Media and in the extremes, Groe in coal mines, and Gore in our schools are not threats of realitude. My own brother is guarantestation of that. We are ever vigilante about Democracy ever again overtaking the Houses of Congress, the White House itself, or any other house of ill repute. We have the best computers! I am your President, and we will keep it that way.
Let us speak of nukular, balletical, and chemtronic weapons of mass destructivity. The terrorable attack upon our Manhattan Project did not leave us offenseless. Millions of tons of peacekeeping equipation now ring the Central East. New York cannot escape! My daddy showed the enemy how going gutless in only 24 hours won the war. I will do more with less and less with more. I tell this to the enimates of freedom and the comrades of Democrats: "Blast our cities, bomb our bridges, and kill our children. Remember who won at the Alamo. We will be watching!"
You may have rumored about Canada. The Peoples Republic of Canada has always been our friend and concubine to the American colonies. We share the longest violated border except for the Great Chinese Wall. I stand before all of you sitting and pledge allegence that from the British in Columbia to Scots being Frenched in up north, Canukistan! Now and always. And no war unless my economicists pray for it. 40, 54, or more!
I stand before you in lesserned government. I will be committed! Taxation from lowered revenues will increasingly target decrease. Commissions will be appointed to study unneeded waste by Presidential order. Professional consultants will be retained for their opinions. Government will grow toward shrinkage. Nobody will promise you less, but I stand before you tonight and I will!
Throughout this timeness of controversities my Viceroy and near-President Mr. Cheney has carried the bag to all our friends here and abroad. He has chewed the carpet for me, he has stood behind me and pushed. He has been a husband to my wife, he has been my Nancy Reagan. Let us all stand and give Mr. Cheney a round of applause as he is in hiding and his heart is OK, believe you me.
As long as I am in the federal Presidentiary, sins of the fathers will be delivered to their sons on time. No mother will be denied full time employment. No teacher will be judged and no judge will be taught. No criminal will lack the weapons of government. Nobody will escape, and few will buy their way out. I remain your humble ruler. Thank you and good night.
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