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(Tip o' the database to arcmight@email.msn.com who handled chloropicrin vials booby trapping 1900's vault and safe locks.)
Dr. Schund, the United States amassed megatonnages of chemical and biological weapons, spending billions of dollars doing it. How can we destroy it all?
1900s' vault and safe builders endured depauperate metallurgy and materials databases. Their products were, in a word, crap. Security was heightened by adding a glass vial of chloropicrin (trichloronitromethane) to the mechanism. Anyone breaking into the lock might be killed (after enjoying a protracted stint of uncontrollable vomiting).
Chloropicrin was a WWI chemical warfare adjunct (Agent CP). It flew through gas mask canisters untouched to elicit vomiting. When a soldier removed his fouled gas mask, phosgene or mustard gas took up the slack. The French discover chloropicrin shells and storage drums to this very day, 90 years later. Unlike the Enviro-whiner besotted United States, France disposes of CP with little expense, delay, or inconvenience:
The tamping effect of water immersion causes complete combustion of the CP by confining the bubble burn area to the containers. CP is a minor explosive booster itself. Nothing remains but small molecules: Water, soot, carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, hydrochloric acid, some nitrogen oxides. Hawk the video on Cable channels (not sold in any store!) to finance the disposal.
Do loud noises disturb you? Dump the original containers into an ocean abyssal (CP density 1.65 g/cm^3). A superior endeavor drops the stuff into an abyssal with lots of explosives and a time delay barometric detonator. Imagine the call for Enviro-whiner petition drives and Media events during land transportation, loading, sea voyage... and a big fat American Cetacean Society indictment about giving whales headaches. (Hello, remember WWII depth charges?) Of course, the barometric detonator won't after Enviro-whiner compassionate sabotage, so we go down four miles under sea water with a deep submersible ON A MERCY MISSION and fire headlines for another week. Send money.
You could chuck CP into a vat of BATF-confiscated alcohol, add 4x its weight in zinc dust with good stirring, and drop in potassium hydroxide to get things going. Iron filings activated by acid will also do it. Ripping off the chlorines and reducing the nitro group with some sort of control is the ticket. Dispose of chemical waste according to EPA and DOT rules. This is a monumental squander of money compared to the French method, and so is preferred by government defense contractors and consultants.
The US amassed megatonnages of chemical and biological weapons, spending billions of dollars doing it. There was a proposal to dispose of it all in one shot with a discarded deep mine and a peewee A-bomb. Load 'em up, add maybe a few tonnes of sodium just in case, flash the mess at a million Celsius. It was so potentially effective and economical that every politician shied away in horror, even the ones from Nevada. For every $billion spent making the stuff, shouldn't at least $10 billion be spent destroying it? (It works so well with slum bunnies and Head Start!)
Option 1: Give it to the French. This is not unreasonable if they pay shipping and Haz-Mat charges FOB Aberdeen Proving Grounds. An ill-fated materials breach mishap at French docks is a pleasant reverie.
Option 2: Sell it to Iraqi "insrugents". UPS can find them. See Option 1, substituting Iraq for France. We subsequently invest comparable tens of $billions destroying the chemical/biological weapons anyway, and Iraq with it - for completeness.
Option 3: Lose the paperwork. Classify it, put FEMA in charge, have the Department of Health and Human Services oversee budget allocation, BATF runs inventory, Amtrak does shipping, Clitler Ramrod Clinton is Project Manager.
Option 4: Nuke 'em high, but do it in Tahiti in deference to the French. The solution to pollution is dilution, and the Pacific ought to be large enough.
Option 5: Find a nice tidal flat. Dr. Schund will bet his consulting fees against the Bay of Fundy, 150 miles of 70-foot depth tidal bore separating Nova Scotia and New Brunswick. Canada needs the money. Folks at St. John, NB can toss an octopus into the Petitcodiac River when the St. John Falls reverse direction.
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