Outrageous On-Line Uncle Al

These are works of fiction. There is no attempt made nor desire extant to libel or otherwise cause malicious damage, loss, public contempt, defamation, blasphemy, treason, sedition, or ridicule to persons, cabals, governments, institutions, corporations, or assemblies of inanimate objects, alien lifeforms, microorganisms, clergy, vegetables, animals, or observed spatio-temporal reality.

If it is found that any extant entity or collection of entities maintains an uncomfortable congruence to the caricatures and ridiculous comedic exaggerations contained herein, the author offers his apologies and condolences...

...and if you are still pissed off, you are invited to go pound sand up your ass.
Conciliation has its limits.

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Carnivore/DCS1000, RIP, Altivore, ECHELON, WinWhatWhere...
It's the Keystroke Kops!

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New Weapons of Mass Consumption
Week 619!

Uncle Al's major disappointment with Canuckistan is that he lived there. But first... Dr. Schund!

Does Antarctica (summer, of course) turn you on? Get a free trip!
http://www.blogyourwaytoantarctica.com/blogs

• Ask Dr. Schund
  Dr. Schund, how may women luxuriously gorge on chocolate without suffering dreaded lips-to-hips syndrome?
• Ask Dr. Schund
  What happens to racemic xenobiotics (drugs) whose abiological optical isomer(s) are pissed and crapped into American sewers?
• Great White Northern Voice Mail
  Canadian voice mail is like unto a roc to a sparrow compared with American voice mail.
• The Canadian Gas Station
  Uncle Al bristles with indignation every time he surrenders cash into a system of blatant corruption in which he does not participate except as victim - the Canadian gas station!
• A Monkey Could Do It
  Chimps were taught English, with a word synthesizer for return commentary. Get ready for the National Chimp Crisis.

• The Chainsaw Deer Hunt
  We have our chainsaws, we are going hunting, and soon there will be meat flying through the air!
• The Bad American
  Truth is only allowed in comedy and War. Bush the Lesser ruined war. The world is at the edge of very little comedy.
• Protected to Death! Again!
  Automotive catalytic converters spew toxic ultramicroscopic heavy metal pollution now permeating the entire Enviro-wihiner besotted First World.
• It's not a Problem, it's a Solution!
  In 1994 the United States saved the atmosphere from 65 trillion grams of carbon dioxide input. We used the carbon to manufacture 51.4 billion pounds of plastic instead.
• In Praise of McMaster-Carr
  The Garden of Eden was nothing compared to McMaster-Carr's warehouse. Paradise is a poor shadow of true happiness.
• Ask Dr. Schund
  Dr. Schund, how can we supply America with all its electricity, too cheap to meter, using technology no more advanced than a tethered jackass?
• Ask Dr. Schund
  Buddhists want a piece of international terrorism in the nicest possible way.
• Ask Dr. Schund
  Dr. Schund will save us from mutation and radioactive death caused by carbon-14 created by cosmic rays in our air!
• Ask Dr. Schund
  Dr. Schund explains how $100 billion white elephant decommissioned nuclear reactors are fountains of stone cold profit.
• Prince Charles Presumed Lost in Polo Accident
  Prince Charles disappeared in a bizarre polo accident when eleven minutes into the third chukker his pony exploded.
• Homeland Severity
  Homeland Severity lacks esprit de corps(e) - haberdashery to scare the constitutional rights out of any lawful citizen.
• Happy Talk
  She was Chlamydia trachomatis filling a sorority house with grey discharges and piscine reeks
• Eat Hot Death, Cable TV!
  TV antennas are forbidden in Irvine, CA. What if an angry Uncle Al amplified his mind and fed it into the TV cable?
• More Precious than Pepsi
  A detestable Pepsi costs $(Cdn)1.50. A bottle of "purified" water costs $(Cdn)1.50. Which is the crime?
• Nation of Immigrants
  Canada is awash with unpronounceable collections of Native Americans squeaking, squawking, collecting Welfare and special dispensation, and demanding infinitely more.
• Ask Dr. Schund
  Would you like to carry a nuclear warhead in a cell phone? How 'bout somebody else's cell phone?
• Ask Dr. Schund
  Dr. Schund exposes a world-shattering complicity of DevilBunnies and nuclear penguins. Who will save us?
• Making It Twitch
  Quantum mechanics is very naughty, but even QM demands casuality. To Hell with that - hot and frozen both.
• Canadian Book Reviews
  Uncle Al went to the bookstore to immerse himself in more than slightly bent Canadian literature.
• Sinthesizing ß-Carbon Nitride
  ß-carbon nitride, ß-C3N4, shills whisper "harder than diamond." So why don't we make the stuff already and find out?

Uncle Al says, "America is about government confiscating the assets of productive people while the Officially Sad are moved into affordable housing."

Beware cultures grown comfortable within their ancestors' nightmares. FIGHT BACK! The future is wrought by the gifted - you, for instance. A clever person would click for apotheosis: