Cervelat, UK: Prince Charles disappeared in a bizarre polo accident today when eleven minutes into the third chukker his pony exploded. Some witnesses testified they saw a brilliant streak of light just prior to the incident. Authorities continue to comb the countryside for fragments of the pony, and Prince Charles, to reconstruct the accident.
One constable was put on medical leave when he attempted to secure evidence from a ferret. The suspected bit of pony and the constable's nose are being held as evidence. Chief Inspector Abdul ben Wadi said, "The ferret in question may have been a domesticated ferret let loose. Any information leading to apprehension of the ferret and identification of its owner will garner a five pound reward."
A vital piece of evidence, the black box in Prince Charles' saddle, remains at large. According to Constable Shakir Firdausi "recordings of the last two seconds prior to the blast are vital pieces of evidence. The black box in Prince Charles' saddle remains at large." The object is described as "a black box suitable for discreet and prudent affixture to Prince Charles' saddle, and a vital piece of evidence which remains at large."
Inspector Fatihah Haqqiqah has been put in charge of finding the royal alleged decedent. "No stone great or small will remain unturned. We have warrants issued for the Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Price of Wales, Earl of Chester, Lord of the Isles, and the Prince and Great Steward of Scotland. If you know of anybody who answers to the names of Charles, Philip, Arthur and George; or Camilla Parker Bowle's tampon, please give us a ring."
Detective Saddam Zerosch came upon what was initially identified as a piece of a horse's ass - raising hopes for recovery of both the Prince and his mount - but it proved to be a terribly superannuated used nappy. The loss of the pony has stunned the polo world. Prince Charles' second favorite mount, Harry Chuckles, had been granted two peerages and a baronet at the suggestion of his grief counselor.
When delicately confronted with news of the mishap, HRH Queen Elizabeth II was heard to remark, "Who?" An interview with Tiggy Legge-Bourke ended with her first answer, "Who?" Princess Diana Rodham-Spencer Windsor is beside herself. With the disappearance of Prince Charles and the therefore indefinite stay of divorce proceedings, despite her death, her relatives are cut off from the rich plunder of the Civil List and all Royal household funds. "I may have need to resurrect and return to hook..., er, teaching kindergarten," said the world's most famous Sloane Ranger through one of her channelers.
Prince William, born 21 June 1982, and heir to the thrown was found playing Tower of London with his brother and spare heir Prince Henry, born 15 September 1984. Prince William accepted the catastrophe of his father's dissipation with brave good cheer. Prince Henry was seen to draw a short horizontal line in a small personal notebook by employing the service of an exquisitely inlaid fountain pen.
Security about polo fields has been tightened as never before. All polo ponies are being x-rayed by Old Blighty Security prior to entering the field. Their riders are stripped and body cavity searched by trained Girl Guides prior to each chukker. "Not an intestinal polyp or hairy wart shall go unrecorded from this moment forward," said Detective Inspector Hassan Umar Hussein, "and no further huge explosions will be tolerated upon British polo fields. "Spectators will be vigorously eyed by pensioners as they mill about. We are confident that the rudeness past shall remain in the past."
Massive efforts, more than two million pounds sterling/day expenditure, have been launched in North Sea search. Ship-towed sonar-imaging sleds and more than a thousand divers are combing the sediment in meter square sections. "There is no reason to expect any evidence whatsoever to lay on the sea bottom. It is therefore the perfect place for concealment of vital evidence which remains at large, and the target of our most vigorous efforts" intoned Andrew Albert Christian Edward "Randy Andy" Windsor. "We have already recovered several wheelchairs marked "Achilles Lauro," and a small black box marked HRH which has been discounted as a spurious red herring by our expert from New Scotland Yard, Detective Sergeant Edafi Kasuchta." If nothing shows up within the next few months I shall depart for a golfing holiday.
"Speculation about Muslim terrorist activity and Prince Charles' tragedy has been Officially dismissed as preposterous," intoned Royal Spokesman Abdul Bilbul Emir.