THE THOUGHTS OF UNCLE AL, VIII

1. Nature does not care. We do.
2. People living in a Golden Age invariably complain how yellow everything is.
3. The meek shall inherit the Earth, and Hell with it.
4. The world is about voracious imposition, treachery, power, wealth... and getting your ass out before the corpses resurrect and gang up on you. Any good salesman knows that.
5. There are few skinny parasites - fat or dead is the rule.
6. Advertising is the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
7. If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
8. Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
9. When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
10. Skill without imagination is craftsmanship; imagination without skill is modern art.
11. When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
12. The power of accurate observation is called cynicism.
13. Never before in the history of mankind have we been presented with so many wonderful opportunities for moral decay.
14. Success does not stem from being productive. Success is embodied in making the rules and in enforcing them. You hire workers.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
17. The second mouse gets the cheese.
18. Relations are a tedious pack of people who haven't got the remotest instinct about when to die.
19. Women need a reason to have sex. Men need a place.
20. Democracy consists of choosing your oppressor after he has told you what you think it is you want to hear.
21. If you tell the truth you do not have to remember anything.
22. The worst thing about stereotypes is that they are true (less the exceptions).
23. Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
24. When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
25. One substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. If architects designed buildings the way programmers write code, civilization would have been destroyed by woodpeckers.
27. The human race conquers death by treating it with contempt.
28. If you are shooting at a target you must aim higher to hit your goal.
29. Goodness without wisdom always consummates evil.
30. You cannot conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him.
31. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
32. The more complicated the law the more opportunity for scoundrels.
33. Are you diagonally parked in a parallel universe?
34. Divorce - from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
35. Never do card tricks for your poker buddies.
36. People with high IQs end up as lower echelon employees bitter,competent, and never going anywhere.
37. Did you ever wonder if the person in the mirror looks back?
38. The world is easily saved: allow the best to proceed unhindered and the worst to proceed unaided.
39. Despite the cost of living, it remains the popular alternative.
40. The customer doesn't want it perfect, he wants it on Tuesday.
41. The first requirement for dealing with reality is recognizing it.
42. It can't be luck if you keep doing it.
43. About half the practice of a decent lawyer is telling would-be clients that they are damned fools and should stop.
44. One test is worth a thousand expert opinions.
45. My possessions and my government are working for me, I am not working for them.
46. What gets done is what gets counted.
47. Half of getting what you want is knowing what you must give up to get it.
48. Be careful in stretching the truth, it may snap back.
49. Failure follows the man whose wishbone is where his backbone should be.
50. That was why it was so much fun, because it worked.
51. There is a close correlation between getting up in the morning and getting up in the world.
52. The future has a way of arriving unannounced.
53. It is not enough that justice be done. Justice must be seen to be done.
54. Desperation is not attractive.
55. You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.
56. Opportunity is not mandate.
57. Patriots always talk of dying for their country and never of killing for their country.
58. Wit is educated insolence.
59. Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
60. Never carve your initials in your children.
61. Honesty may not always be the best policy, but it is the best policy enough of the time that you should consider it.
62. How easily we obtain what we do not want.

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