ASK DR. SCHUND

Dr. Schund, what is the real hazard of the Ozone Hole plus the Greenhouse Effect?

Federal coprophiles scavenging their polity's wallets would have us believe that exponential self-immolation of our planet is wrought by driving down to Mickey D's but can be cured with a Carbon Tax on Everything. As Gaia edges into malignant hyperthermia (dantrolene, anyone?) the thermal gradient between the Equator and the Poles theoretically increases, precipitating colder global temperatures via forced convection as the Earth warms. While the Third World slashes and burns, while the Arabs light the desert with megatons of flared methane annually, it is your breath of life that murders Leftist political agendas.

Federal saprophytes pandering lobbyists' pecuniary benevolence would have us believe that searing vacuum ultraviolet radiation will sterilize the Earth every time we take a beer from a refrigerator. As Gaia edges into the Tanning Booth of the Gods all life will be molecularly discombobulated rendering the Earth sterile and incapable of enhancing revenue. (Third World brewskis are natural and blessed among all things, so they may own Freon-powered refrigerators without guilt, shame, or New World Order political repercussion).

Dr. Abfallig Matsch Schund is rumored held incommunicado within Federal confinement after leaking Argonne National Laboratories' TOP SECRET/Lotus Eater data. They detail global silicate erosion caused by synergistic fusion of UV and IR irradiation (Ozone Hole plus Greenhouse Effect). Automobile windshield pitting is extreme evidence of facilitated planetary silicate catastrophic breakdown. The Tibetan Plateau is evaporating into a lowland sump. The whole of the First World - concrete highways to picture windows - is threatened.

"Summary: More than 400 million windshields on US cars purchased post-1970 show tens of thousands of etch pits each - more than five trillion data points! This undeniable and utterly shocking disintegration of refractory silicate is accelerating. It is congruent with contrived theoretical projections of the Greenhouse Effect plus the Ozone Hole (two-photon+phonon Umklapp dispersion of atomic orbital overlap by inelastic momentum transfer). Massive public hysteria is projected if the extent and magnitude of this growing disaster are disclosed."

LOOK AT YOUR WINDSHIELD! Is it pitted? Of course it is. QED.

Is there corroborating global village validation of this conspicuous evaporation of every rock, sidewalk, and stanchion? Look to the physical remains of the Soviet sphere of influence, that great midden of dialectical materialism hacking Gaia into pollution and hazardous waste without creating profit. Every poured stone monolith, the whole of grey concrete Socialism, is crumbling back into sand and dust. The highest point on the United States' northeastern seaboard is a landfill on Staten Island. Europe whines about snowlines receding from its mountains, about lush grass and trees making inroads into glacial devastation. It never dares admit the mountains are quantum electrodynamically scorching away to no longer poke into the frigid stratosphere. Adiabatic lapse rates do not tell fibs.

More personal and visible calamities exist. Micromastic women rendered buxom, desirable, and gorgeous by silicone breast implants entertained perserverative fetishistic display of their goodies on beaches, in the sun. They suffered formidable ultraviolet plus infrared irradiation. Umklapp! The silicone stewed into molecularly degraded putrescent ooze and the fun began. Federal black operatives fomented one of the largest most expensive coverup operations in American history. Evidence of flourishing global ruin was literally cut from the chests of nearly a million women. "It's a health thing."

One supposes the Grand Tetons are doubly damned.

The Earth grows warmer and greener as pesky Eskimos find themselves without an ice floe to dispose of their mothers-in-law. Spring comes sooner, Fall comes later, and Terran farm yields are skyrocketing. You can get a decent tan without wasting weeks laying around mostly naked. Solar collectors are performing like champs. Everything an Enviro-whiner could desire from the destruction of cities' physical fabric to their replacement by Bambi, Thumper, and the Tooth Fairy are rolling along like a civil engineer's black water down a 1-in-14 grade. It may be goodbye to Mt. Everest, but is that such a bad thing given outrageous Tibetan tourist fees? Let them learn humility.

The return of Eden will be greeted with the gnashing of political teeth and a Carbon Tax on Everything. Your crappy refrigerator will leak corrosive and tumorigenic hydrochlorofluorocarbon refrigerants. You will be exhorted and harangued and it is a bloody shame that hemp is persecuted by the War on Drugs. If you stretch a politician's neck with polypropylene rope, it (the rope) tends to stretch and bounce, ripping off the head. Sacrifices, sacrifices, mankind's making sacrifices.


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