Personality Sorter

discover your true personality type!

 
1

If my mother needed one of my kidneys or she would die, I would:

Remember that a good mother would never want to endanger her child in any way.
Go under the knife gleefully and finally gain the upper hand in the guilt game.
Give her have half a kidney and make her EARN the other half herself.
Need to see her Last Will and Testament to see what she had to bargain with.

2

I believe that my religion is:

Literally true, in fact, my Higher Power typed all of our religious texts on His Own typewriter.
Metaphorically true, like The Captain and Tenille song "Muskrat Love".
Probably just made up junk, but it's the only social group that will accept me as a member.
I think I am God, so I don't need a religion.

3

Politically, I am a:

Conservative. I believe the poor are worthless bums trying to steal my money.
Liberal. I believe in helping the poor (and myself) with money taken from people stupid enough to actually work.
Moderate. I lie in the fetal position unable to make a decision most of the time.
Non-voter. I pretty much go along with Nazis or anyone else who takes power, so long as they don't interfere with my cable television service.

4

When I see a knock-off brand of cola on sale for half-price, I:

Buy it because I am cheap and have no taste or self-respect.
Ignore it and buy the name brand because I deserve the best just like they say in their commercials..
Empty out one of the boxes and refill it with my favorite cola, still getting the good price.
Buy my favorite cola and walk out with a Filet Mignon stuck down my pants to even the score.

5

When some guy cuts in front of me, I:

Make him get behind me and in front of some little shmuck who doesn't have the kahunas to do anything about it.
Make a voodoo doll replica of him later and torture it with hair pins.
Light the back of the jerk's hair on fire and retake my rightful position while he rolls around on the floor.
Use the opportunity to steal his wallet.

6

The purpose of a friendly game of cards is to:

Strip all of your opponents naked and leave with everything they own.
Hone your cheating skills for future games with higher stakes.
Discuss ways to illegally award each other government contracts.
Distract the victim while you excuse yourself early to cheat with their spouse.

7

If I had a son and a daughter, and the Nazis made me choose between the two of them, I would:

Wonder where the Nazis came from.
Give them the boy, because he would look better in lederhosen.
Give them the girl to prove that I am not a chauvinist.
Let them have both, buy a Ferrari, and live the single life again.

8

I think handicapped parking is:

A good thing for all the gimps and old geezers.
A corrupt system to give fat rich ladies the best parking spaces.
A blow against evolutionary progress as it interferes with the survival of the fittest.
Made for busy people like me.

9

When I see a masterpiece of modern art, I want to:

Steal it and auction it off on eBay.
Figure out how I can throw paint at a canvas and get rich too.
Figure out a way to score with the hot young art student standing near it.
Pull it off the wall, jab my head through it, and tap dance calling it "performance art".

10

When my doctor tells me I am obese, I:

Notice that he is fatter and older than me, and ignore everything he says.
Beg him for some pills to make me skinny without dieting.
Become interested and attentive, wondering if this could be affecting my sex life.
Let him natter on while I finish the Arby's Beef & Cheddar I stuffed in my coat pocket on the way in.

11

I believe that the poor and needy are best helped by:

Non-judgmental assistance of money, food, clothing, and shelter in exchange for sex.
Labor farms where they can gain self-respect by working under the watchful eye of an overseer.
Assisted suicide: they are losers, why fight it?
Massive government programs run by wealthy white men drawing huge salaries and lifetime benefits

12

The thing I value most about my family is:

I can spread my debt load around during the year and have most of it forgiven at Christmas.
The unconditional love, so long as we keep all the skeletons in the closet where they belong.
The excellent chance of free admission when we all crash the turnstiles together at DisneyLand and start running in different directions.
It is the one group where I will never be the fattest or the dumbest.


Score My Test!